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    Russell Viers is a Transition Expert in the publishing world. Since 1997 he has helped newspapers and magazines adapt to changes in the industry. Read more...

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  • Archive for January, 2009

    I’m sorry, what did you say?

    Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

    I was in Nizhny Novgorod awhile back speaking at an event for Adobe and I was joking with my good buddy Roman Menyakin about the instructions in the elevator and how they just didn’t translate as I’m sure they had intended.

    We exchange a few stories of things we had seen and heard over the years, like the Russian friend of his who would say “this is sh** of bull” all the time.

    Anyway, a week or so later we were in Kiev together and he was in a restaurant with a great sign that, again, was poorly translated. He shot a picture of it with his cell phone and emailed it to me. It read “For the things left without a supervision, administration of responsibility does not carry.” I took the liberty of adding the comma and correctly spelling one for the words to make it more clear.

    So as I travel, I like to read the way things are translated and, sometimes, I get a nice little chuckle out of it.

    Once in Peru I was eating at a restaurant that offered “Pig Sandwich” on the menu and in Switzerland an inn offered “Plate of Dry Meat.”

    My wife’s good friend from Peru tells the embarrassing story of how, when she was VERY pregnant, she traveled to the US on business. She was lost in the airport and needed help so she approached the most official looking man she could and, in her best English said, she was “looking for an intercourse.” Confused, the man corrected her saying that’s probably not what she meant to say and she demanded “Yes, I need an intercourse RIGHT NOW!” The nice man figured out what she REALLY needed was the concourse.

    While in Nice, France with another friend of mine the conversation turned to these bad translations. He told me he “collects” them and has an entire list of them that he has seen with his own eyes over the years.

    So I share them with you now, with a thanks to Jim Petrucci.

    In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

    In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit up.

    In a Belgrade hotel elevator: to move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number for wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

    In a Paris hotel elevator: please leave your values at the front desk.

    In a hotel in Athens: visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 daily.

    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

    In a Hong Kong supermarket: for your convenience we recommend corteous, efficient self service.

    Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: stop:  drive sideways

    In a Swiss mountain inn: special today no ice cream.

    In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: we take your bags and send them in all directions.

    At a Budapest zoo: please do not feed the animals.  If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

    Two signs in a Majorcan shop entrance: (1) English well talking. (2) Here speeching American.

    In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s: drop your trousers here for best results.

    Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking

    Outside a Hong Kong dress shop: ladies have fits upstairs.

    In a Rome laundry: ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

    In a Tokyo bar: special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.

    In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

    In the office of a roman doctor: specialist in women and other diseases.

    Extracts from translations into English found in European travel brochures

    the bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore; soon you will feel the pleasure in passing water.

    You will know you are getting near the hotel, because you will go around the bend.

    The manager will await you in the entrance hall.  He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

    This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome.  Of course we are always pleased to accept adultery.

    Highly skilled nurses are available in the evening to put down your children.

    Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.

    But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar.

    We organize social games, so no guest is left alone to play with himself.

    At dinner our quartet will circulate from table to table and fiddle with you.

    Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts.

    In winter every room is in heat.

    Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity.

    You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

    Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition.  If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid.  Please take advantage of her; she will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear.  If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

    When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope.  You will struggle to forget it.

    Exporting PDFs for Walsworth

    Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

    Now that you’ve built some pages you want to submit to Walsworth to include in your yearbook, what’s next? Well, you have to get the pages from InDesign into a PDF that can easily be uploaded to the printing plant for output.

    The PDF you create should look exactly like the page you created in InDesign and it contains all the information needed for proper output: Graphics, fonts, colors, etc.

    I’ll cover the settings you want to use and how to export a PDF in just a bit, but first I’ll tell you how cool what you’re about to do is and how technologically advanced you are going to be.

    First, when you export a PDF from InDesign with these settings, you are going to convert all of your images from RGB to CMYK so they can be printed on a printing press. In days of yore, designers would have to convert EVERY photo from RGB to CMYK in Photoshop…a long and laborious task. Many printers who don’t know any better still require customers to do this. I, on the other hand, like you too much for that.

    What’s more, it’s not only converting RGB to CMYK automatically, but InDesign is converting to CMYK for you using the EXACT same separation tables that Photoshop would use to do the same thing. So ultimately, you are getting the same results you would if you opened them in Photoshop and converted to CMYK manually.

    Keep in mind that it is not changing the original photo, only the version that is embedded into the PDF. Because of this, you can use the same photo in multiple projects, including electronic (RGB) or various print media (CMYK) and it’s all controlled during output…original photo unharmed. And with these settings, your photos are being lightly compressed using JPEG2000 technology on maximum quality so you are getting better reproduction, with smaller file size, than any previous settings Walsworth has offered.

    How is this possible? Because Walsworth has a RIP (imaging device that prepares your PDF for press) that processes your PDFs better than ever. It can now flatten your transparency inline, where in the past customers were doing this during the export process. So now that you don’t have to flatten locally, that means you can use newer export technology which offers you

    • Better Photo Reproduction
    • Smaller PDF Files
    • Faster File Uploads
    • Higher Quality Transparency Reproduction (now we can rasterize, if necessary, at a higher resolution than if you did it during export in the past)

    In addition to converting color, InDesign is also cropping all of your photos for you. Any photos that are larger than the frames will be cropped to size so the PDF is smaller. Again, the original photo is untouched, just the version in the PDF is cropped.

    And InDesign downsamples your images for you, as well. So let’s say you placed a 12 megapixel photo from your digital camera directly on the page and sized it to about 4″ x 5″ and the resolution is about 500 pixels per inch…no worries. During the export to PDF, InDesign will make all of your images that are higher than 300ppi…uh…300ppi. If the image resolution is less than 300ppi, they will be untouched. This means that InDesign won’t interpolate the resolution UP to 300. All Photoshop images with layers will also be flattened in the PDF.

    During the export, InDesign is also going to add marks to the pages that show whether you have bleeds on the page, or not (art going off the page on any side). If you intend for photos or backgrounds to bleed off the page, you will see the art extend beyond the marks on the four corners of your page. If you don’t see that, you probably didn’t build that into your document and you need to go back to InDesign and have the art go off the page by at least 1/8″ (0p9 or 3.2mm).

    Now that you know what you’re going to end up with, let’s set up your computer so it’s a cinch to do.

    The first question is: Are you using Creative Suite 2, or newer, or just InDesign or Creative Suite 1? There are two different processes, depending, so read below which one suits your setup.

    Creative Suite 2 (or newer)

    I’ve included a couple of small files here you need to download and uncompress first, then I’ll tell you where to stick them (in a nice way). Click on the link below and it should automatically download for you.

    Okay, so now where do we put them. I’m giving you a simple step-by-step so just follow along:

    1. Open Adobe Bridge (which comes free with Creative Suite and installs automatically)
    2. Go to Edit> Creative Suite Color Settings
    3. Click Show Saved Settings Files
    4. Drag the attached file named Walsworth Color Settings.csf into that folder
    5. Close the folder
    6. Cancel the Suite Color Settings window
    7. Once again select Edit>Creative Suite Color Settings
    8. Now you should see the Walsworth setting listed there.
    9. Select it and click Apply
    10. Now go to InDesign
    11. Select File> Adobe PDF Presets> Define
    12. Click Load
    13. Select the file named Walsworth PDF Export 09 RV.joboptions
    14. Click Open
    15. Click Done

    Now you are ready to go
    Next time you want to export PDFs, just select this preset from the File>Adobe PDF Preset list or choose File>Export and select it from the drop down list at the top.

    InDesign CS (not as part of the Creative Suite) or Creative Suite 1

    Since Creative Suite doesn’t have Adobe Bridge, we have to load these settings differently. Click the link below to download the settings you will need to install. Be sure to uncompress it before you start.

    1. Open Photoshop
    2. Go to Photoshop>Color Settings (Mac) or Edit>Color Settings (Windows) and open the Color Settings window.
    3. Click Load
    4. Select the file you just downloaded named Walsworth Color Settings.csf
    5. Click Load
    6. Click OK
    7. Open InDesign
    8. Go to Edit> Color Settings
    9. Click at the top to Enable Color Management
    10. Click Load
    11. Select the file named Walsworth Color Settings.csf
    12. Click Open
    13. Click OK
    14. Go to File> PDF Export Presets>Define
    15. Click Load
    16. Select the file named Walsworth PDF Exports 09 CS RV.pdfs
    17. Click Open
    18. Click OK

    Now you are ready to go
    Next time you want to export PDFs, just select this preset from the File>PDF Export Preset list or choose File>Export and select it from the drop down list at the top.

    Drop a line to me if you have any problems with any of this.